dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
