Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't put those talents on a resume
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
