Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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