i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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