I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
