Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
