theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
