grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
