it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
