Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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