I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
