Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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