I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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