upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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