he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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