You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
