Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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