so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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