What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
