My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
