there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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