I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
