Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
