I heard we made out
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
