Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
