dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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