They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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