I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
