Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
