You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
