"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
