so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
