I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
