Apparently you make a good broom.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
