My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
