it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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