Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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