you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
