I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The power of my boobs compel you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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