Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
