I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
