My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm at about main and main street
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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