i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
