Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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