I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
