i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have aggressive nipples.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
