I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
