so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
