I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
