I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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