Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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