i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
