wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
