If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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