we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
