my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
