he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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