He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
