i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
