why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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