Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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