I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
