I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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