His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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