this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
