I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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