Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
